The Diplomats of Lore
by Lion Of Nightmares
Summary: The people of Lore dislike Gielinor,but what happens when they chase out the wrong guy?Big trouble.Ten diplomats are immediately chosen and dispatched.Happens a decade after TYA started and is a silly satire.
1. Prolouge

Gielinor is the local name for Runescape. I was inspired to write this after seeing that lots of people dislike Runescape. Of course I don't own RS or AQ save for Crystal Lion, Shadow Lion, Lord Of Ice, Eric and Silver Lion4. A smattering of the cast from my first story may pop in from time to time.

* * *

Prolouge. 

A young man had arrived in Lore. He was on a special mission, given to him by the great mage Gower himself. He was ordered to find Artix, the great werewolf paladin who happened to be king of Lore. The young man looked around uncertainly, having gone once in his childhood, but everything seemed so different now. He saw a group of people talking to each other and sauntered up to them. One of the people, Tim the Enchanter, turned around and yelled, "A Gielinorian! Don't let him get away alive!"

The young man stammered as the group gathered around him, "I h-h-have a treaty to give to Artix and..."  
"Silence!" shouted a guy named Link Darentei. He continued, "No Gielinorian has ever left Lore alive. Attack!"  
The young man broke into a run and left the extremists behind. He groaned, "Just because I'm from Gielinor. What's bitten them anyway? I must ask Gower to declare war on Lore." He heard some shouts behind him and took out his teleport stone. He yelled into the blue magic stone, "To Gielinor!" and disappeared. The extremists were surprised to see nobody there.

In Gielinor, Eric, the young man, went into his house, headed towards his study desk, took out a quill and began to write. His letter to the great mage Gower went like this.

To the great mage Gower,  
I did as you requested and went to Lore but unfortunately, it seems that everyone there hates Gielinorians. I have not given the treaty to Artix and I request you to declare war as they seem to hate Gielinor. Hopefully they will learn tolerance after the war. You should give them five days to send ten diplomats. If they don't do so, the war will begin.

Signed,  
Eric.

He finished writing the letter and placed it in an old yellowed envelope. He tied the envelope to his pet pigeon and said, "Send it to Gower, in the grand mage tower. The one in the clouds, you know, my dear?" The pigeon cheeped in reply, spread out its wings and flew away. Eric looked at the gradually shrinking form of his pigeon and muttered, "Someday, the people of Lore will go down because they discriminate others..."


	2. Achoo achoo achoo!

Diclaimer:Don't own AQ or RS, silly!

A.N:Patrick has awful grammar because English is his second language. And yeah, the players of Endless Online hate Runescape. The ten diplomats in the following chapter are real players of AQ and have played RS for one month or more. And this is a satire, therefore don't criticise the lack of canon. Anyway Artix is the creator of AQ.

* * *

Chapter 1-Achoo achoo achoo! 

A fine day in Lore came up, but a certain aura fluttered around and made a particular young girl named Crystal Lion feel that it wouldn't be so fine later on in the day. She felt oddly worried. She was to pose with her friend and deepest crush Patrick for a picture that Abyssgh0st was painting. He had just started painting and hoped that the painting wasn't a flop. She brushed off her bad feelings and headed towards the town centre.

She reached the town centre and greeted Abyss politely. He was itching to start the painting and remarked, "When I've finished, I hope the whole picture looks great. And I know Pat has a crush on you"  
"Abyss you better not say that to all of the people in Lore!"  
"Don't fret, Lion. I'll start the painting."  
Patrick added, "Me, I want be in the painting!"  
"Sure you will, Patrick." Abyss replied. He took out his paintbrush and a piece of paper. But just as he was going to draw Lion and Patrick, the bell in the Guardian Tower rang. The townsfolk and foreigners ran to the Guardian Tower. Lion, Abyss and Patrick ran to the tower to find out what was going on.

At the Guardian Tower, Moon Called was shouting, "Serious news, bad news!" while IJuan and Nimrod were ringing the bell. The people were panicking as the bell usually only rang when something bad and serious came up, such as when Carnax the Great Scourge arrived fully formed in Lore ten years ago. Abyss wondered aloud, "I wonder what's happening here? Does one of Lore's enemies want to wage war on us?" Little did he know that he was somewhat correct about the war.

Some of the people were running towards the back of the tower to find out more. Abyss grabbed his friends' hands and pulled them along with the rest. He shouted, "Come on, come on!"When they got to the back, they saw all the influential figures had glum looks on their faces, even Queen Safiria and Artix. People were whispering things such as, "That's serious."  
"If war is on Lore, I think it's worse than Drakonnan, Carnax and Ultra Akriloth mixed together into one!"  
A black haired young woman named Shadow Lion slunk towards the trio and said to Crystal, "Jie jie, I think it's a very serious thing, everyone has a sour face!"  
"Shadow, that's not a sour face." Crystal replied to her younger sister. Half sister, to be more exact.  
"So, how are they feeling? Sick?"  
"Are you trying to act silly? They're glum. Not sad but not happy either!"  
"No no, jie jie."  
"Fine then." Crystal said and looked at the small group of influential figures. They looked so glum that rain clouds could form on their heads and start raining. Artix looked sick, probably with flu. Or a fit of sneezing, even. Safiria didn't look happy, her topaz yellow eyes were dull. The overall situation must be really grave, Crystal reasoned.

After the citizens, including Crystal, Abyss, Pat and Shadow sat down, Artix stood up to say something. He started to say, "Greetings-" but was seized by a sneezing fit. He shouted "Achoo achoo achoo!" instead of "Greetings and Salutations!"  
Safiria and Blackhawke tried to pull Artix back but he insisted on talking. Safiria said, "Are you trying to sneeze or talk?"  
Artix replied, "Safiria, I-achoo-want to-hishoo-to ah-ah talk. Aatchoum!"  
A pink haired woman with black eyes and tanned skin stood up and asked, "Yes sir?"  
Artix replied, "I atchoum! Wasn't calling you! Aaachoo! Go hishoo sit down!"  
Shadow was watching and hiccuped because she was trying to hold her laughter. Her older half sister admonished her, "You'd do better to stay still."  
Shadow replied, "Hmm haha!"

Galanoth stod up and walked towards the podium. He said, "I'm very sorry about the sneezing, but what Artix was trying to say is what I'm going to say now. A grave message from the realm of Gielinor arrived for Warlic in his crystal ball. Warlic, will you go and fetch your crystal ball? The people are waiting."  
Warlic said, "Yes Galanoth." and walked off towards his shop. A few moments later, he came back with his crystal ball under his arm. He fiddled about with it and inserted a small stone into the glass. The he raised the ball into the air. Everyone kept still. They wanted to hear this message.

A fizzle was heard before a loud voice came from the ball. The voice said, "We shall attack Lore in 5 days, unless if ten diplomats are sent. Thanks to your discrimination, you will be in the soup very soon! The lands of Gielinor are not to be trifled with. Everyone discriminates us, from Neopia to Endless to Maple, and makes us feel unwelcome. Now we will strike at the dimensions that hate us most. Send ten diplomats who tolerate Gielinor, but you definitely are hard pressed on that. Aren't you? They must have knowledge of our land, have set foot there, or have a relative who lives there. We await your answer in five days or less! If you refuse to do so, the war will begin."  
Another voice laughed mockingly from the ball, "They won't do it anyway sir, for they hate Gielinor!" The message stopped there.  
Immediately, everyone burst into an uproar. They shouted things like, "How dare they say things like that about us! We shall kill them all!"  
"We should convince them out of it, I'm sure Lore and Gielinor aren't enemies." Crystal shouted.  
"Who cares about a lion like you? Gielinorian supporters are fools!" howled Krammstein.  
Skye shouted from the other end, "And you anti Gielinorians are xenophobic morons who can't take facts!"  
Pat yelled, "I'm agree! Anti thinks are stupid thinks! Why all hate Gielinor? You are in soup!"

Cyrus looked at the mess going on and whispered to Moon Called and IJuan. He told them, "Go catch that black haired young woman with the black armor. I feel she could be the key to preventing the war."  
IJuan asked, "Which black haired one?"  
Cyrus replied, "Her name has the word lion and she is shouting at those anti Gielinorians right now. And while you're at it, you could catch that spiky haired boy beside her too."  
Moon Called and IJuan replied, "Yessir." and crept amongst the audience.

Meanwhile, the pro Gielinorians and anti Gielinorians were still arguing their heads off. But the anti Gielinorians kept saying, "The scenery's horrible, every single thing about them is horrible! Why convince them to be peaceful? They're worthless!"  
Crystal shouted, "You, the so called patriots want a war in which you know you might lose? Patriots will help their country. Surely we could talk them out of it."  
"Their hearts are of stone!"  
"No, your hate for Gielinor is etched in stone." roared Crystal.  
Suddenly, a hand clapped over her mouth and a pair of hands gripped her shoulders. She tried her best to get away but Moon Called said, "Come along, miss lion! You could be the key to solving our problem."  
Skye and Pat thought, "Oh no, now the lion's in the soup! So much for patriots."  
Shadow thought, "No! My sister! They can't chop off her head."  
Crystal thought, "Oh, Luna, help me. Why me?" as Moon Called and IJuan dragged her off to meet Cyrus and the rest of the influential figures. She decided to await her fate and trembled. She felt that she was too young to die.


	3. The diplomats are chosen

A/N:Ohh, flu is no fun! This chapter is quite short, but the ten diplomats are real people.

**The last chapter-Crystal thought, "Oh, Luna, help me. Why me?" as Moon Called and IJuan dragged her off to meet Cyrus and the rest of the influential figures. She decided to await her fate and trembled. She felt that she was too young to die.**

Chapter 2-The diplomats are chosen

Crystal walked on, feeling afraid. Why did Moon Called think she was the key to the solution? Someone shouted, "This is definitely one brave girl!"  
Crystal could only smile weakly at him. She was feeling ill inside. She soon ended up with the influential figures after being dragged by Moon Called and IJuan. They let go of her, told her to stay still and proceeded to talk softly.

Meanwhile, Skye and Pat crept to the front, thinking that maybe Crystal was in trouble. They managed to hear snatches of talk like, "Cyrus, you're completely mad to choose this girl."  
"I tell you, she is the key to our problem. Solving it, that is."  
"Why is she so panicky? I'll go talk to her."  
"Smb, don't!"  
But Smbdoll spoke sharply to Crystal, at which the latter shouted and then fell down plop into a faint. Skye jumped up hurriedly and hid underneath a chair. Cyrus shouted, "Look at what you've done, madam! You should've let me talk to her!"  
Smb replied bluntly, "Why did you go and choose her then? She's so panicky that she will fall down if you talk to her."  
Cyrus replied, "She's not afraid of me. Moon Called, will you please get a cup of water to splash on the lion?"  
Moon Called replied, "I'm not. I saw a blue haired guy hiding under your chair."  
Cyrus looked under his chair and sure enough, Skye was hiding underneath it. Skye looked on in surprise. "I thought you were going to chase her out of Lore."  
"Of course not. Why on earth would I do that? And why were you under my chair?"  
"I will join the diplomats on their mission." Skye answered and crawled out from his hiding place.  
"You seem rather snobbish however." Cyrus said doubtfully.  
Safiria added in a low whisper, "He's an imbecile, and so is that spiky haired boy."  
Crystal woke up and shouted, "They're not imbeciles!" just as Pat and Skye shouted, "We're not imbeciles!"  
Cyrus said seriously, "Told you guys she's actually very brave."

Artix added, "She's achoo! A werewolf. And that is-hishy-cool!"  
Safiria said, "I'd rather she was a vamp."  
The other influential figures discussed among themselves about Crystal. For it was clear that she was the solution but she was a dreadful coward as well. They couldn't decide what to do. Cyrus insisted that she should be a diplomat but Smb said that she should stay back. Crystal got cross and shouted, "If you don't tell me what the fuss is about, I'm going back!"  
She walked off but Lady Tomo grabbed her cape and pulled her down, plop! Tomo said firmly, "Oh no, young lady. You had better stay where you are."

Finally, Galanoth said quietly, "Miss lion, you're a diplomat. Because that blue scaled beast vouched for you. Feel lucky." and he glared at Cyrus. The latter just looked away and whistled loudly. Galanoth looked very angry. Artix sneezed all over again. Galanoth suddenly shouted, "CYRUS! You're very lucky I know my limits on dragonslaying! Otherwise, I would just slaughter you and every single one of your scaly dracomancering kind! Now stop whistling!"  
Cyrus immediately stopped whistling and stuck out his tounge at Galanoth when the latter wasn't looking. He thought, "You'd have nine inches of blade in your chest if we were in a fight."

Artix snorted loudly and tried to talk through his congested nose, "Miss lion will-snort!-go to Gielinor with nine other-sniffle-diplomats."  
Cyrus, Lady Tomo and Smbdoll stood up and said at the same time, "We shall go with the lion!"  
Pat and Skye said, "We shall go too!"  
Cyrus asked Pat, "Why, Guardian Patrick?"  
"I want protect the lioness!" Pat replied.  
Skye fumed, "I was going to say that, you idiot! You and you crush on the lioness!"  
Cyrus said, "Eh? What, Skye?"  
Skye replied haughtily, "Never you mind!"  
Cap'n Rhubarb was counting the diplomats. He then shouted loudly, "We need four more brave volunteers to go to Gielinor!"  
The crowd grumbled. It was well known that the locals hated Gielinor like anything. But Lion Eagle stood up and dashed to the front, followed by a young boy with spiky black hair, bloodless skin and black eyes. The aforementioned boy said to Cyrus, "I'm Xaethor the Slayer, Guardian Patrick's friend!"  
Skye muttered, "Pooh, his head is full of the lioness!"  
Lion Eagle bowed down to Tomo, "I volunteer to join the diplomats of Lore!"  
Tomo asked, "What is your reason, miss?"  
"I want people to see that Gielinor is not the spawn of the devil they think it is." Eagle replied.  
Xaethor said, "Me too! And I want to accompany my friends."

A man with a mask completely covering his face walked to the front, bowed down to Tomo and the others, and turned to speak to Smbdoll, "I wish to join the diplomats."  
Smb smiled, "Wraithy, the balance master. What is your reason?"  
Wraithy replied solemnly, "To protect Lore, from the threat of war."  
A redheaded boy yelled loudly, "Don't go without me!" and ran up to the front. Pat frowned, "Lance! Oh noo."  
Smb put in, "If he tolerates Gielinor, you should let him in."  
Lance shouted, "Lemme in! I tolerate Gielinor!" and hopped up and down. Crystal thought he was worse than her half sister.  
Cap'n Rhubarb said, "Ah, there are already ten diplomats. You have six hours to get ready to go to Gielinor. Good luck."  
Artix added, "Battle-snort-on! And good luck miss-prrrp-Lion." He blew his nose loudly and added, "Everyone dis-sniff-missed!"

Crystal walked off with worry in her heart. How was she supposed to stop a whole war with people she didn't know? At least she was used to Cyrus and friends with Pat and Skye. Skye grumbled, "Why do people hate Gielinor? I don't get it. The scenery is actually nice mutter mutter mutter."  
Pat said, "Me, I lose patience there. Everything so slow, but I go to protect you, Crystal Lion." He grinned at the last remark.  
That just made Crystal worry all the more. She didn't know why the people of Lore hated Gielinor so much until the point they would chase Gielinorians away...


	4. Hate Set in Stone

A/N:I still am not Andrew Gower nor Artix Krieger. And Kingdom of Loathing has the worst graphics for an online game, but it's still very popular. Yet they all jump on RS because they think all 3D games must have WoW like graphics...

Chapter 3-Hate Set in Stone

Crystal shook her hand free from Pat's grip and said quietly, "I must find out why the people of Lore hate Gielinorians so much. And no better place to start than Warlic the Archmage."  
Pat looked at her funny, "Be careful. People hate ask about Gielinor. Me, I will keep quiet."  
Skye said crossly, "Crystal has the right to know why and how this stupid prejudice occured in the first place!"  
Crystal pleaded, "Don't argue. I'll go now."

She ran off to Warlic's shop. He was in, reading a spell book. He looked up and said, "Welcome, miss lion. I've expect you've come to ask about the prejudice against Gielinor, no?"  
Crystal replied, "Yes, Warlic. Do you know why the people hate Gielinor so much?"  
He replied, "I'll tell you a story of how hate set in stone divided a great nation." and walked towards a shelf. He took out a perfectly ordinary piece of rock. It had a deep crack in the shape of a cross in it. He set the rock down in front of Crystal, pulled a chair towards him and sat down. He said, "Have a seat too, miss lion."  
"My name isn't miss though." Crystal said and sat down, staring at the rock.  
"Just a form of respect." he replied.  
He continued, "Now this stone represents the heart of the people, and the deep cross, their hate. During the great frost, there was a small crack in the heart of the populace. It was filled with the hate and prejudice of Gielinor. More and more hate entered the resultant crack, until a huge part of the stone was split. Thus, the smaller part supported the Gielinorian rights, and the larger part was concerned with chasing away Gielinorians. If this continues, it will be our downfall as the key to Gielinor has exsisted long before Artix created the key to Lore. The keys are of different metals. Eventually, this crack will seperate the people further, causing the nation to crumble. It is up to you and the other nine diplomats to ensure that the crack does not seperate the people further."  
Crystal interrupted, "Well, what was in the hate that made the cross?"  
Warlic said, "I only know one reason for this prejudice, and that is because of the bad mannered people. You may have heard that it's the scenery, but that claim is false. Most of the Gielinorians are uncouth, and most of the girls whore around. Those girls aren't real girls however. Now, I have a secret mission you can do during your quest to find the ambassador. Find ten Gielinorians who are not uncouth or slutty and invite them back to Lore. Speak to me through your rose quartz stone when you find them and I will make sure those people will have a good welcome."  
"Yes Warlic." Crystal said and left the shop.

She bumped into Cyrus who was heading north east towards the Dragonspine mountains. She asked, "Why do the people of Lore hate Gielinor so much?"  
He replied, "Jealousy caused it. I'm going home to put up a notice that I'll be gone. Must be off, good day!"  
He ran off just as Skye came out of Yulgar's inn holding a small container. He was eating something that stank really bad. It caused her eyes to leak. Skye grinned, "Raw onions, want a piece?"  
Crystal replied with tears in her eyes, "Your stupid raw onions made me cry!"  
Skye said, "Oh, I thought they would make my breath contain tear gas."  
Crystal snapped, "What do you want tear gas breath for?"  
Skye replied, "For stuff, Crystal. I have to be off to see Queen Safiria. Bye!" and ran off.

Crystal walked around Battleon, still thinking deeply about her new responsiblity when a small voice beside her asked, "Uhh, Crystal?"  
She looked beside her and saw a brown haired X-Guardian with brown eyes and pale skin. She greeted the Guardian, "Hi, Shojo Sanzo."  
Shojo asked, "Why are you feeling so unhappy?"  
"I have to go to Gielinor. And I think the crowds hate me for it. But Moon Called and IJuan dragged me into this mess in the first place"  
"Everyone thinks Gielinorians are awful! They are stupid!" Shojo said loudly. She paused and continued, "Then they chase out every single one of them be it good or bad! But there is no rivalry up till today!"  
Shojo ran off, making Crystal think even harder. Then an adventurer with spiky black hair and bright green eyes ran up to her and shouted, "Hey hey! I respect you for going to Gielinor!"  
Crystal said, "Are you pro Gielinorian or not?"  
"Silly, I am a pro Gielinorian activitist. And good luck. You know, there are few pro Gielinorians left. My name is Vampire Hawk but you can call me Hawk. I have to give more demonstrations on the good of Gielinor. And lots of debates to attend to! Drizzt DoUrden will help me. He's also an activitist. Bye!" He ran off to his debate.

Crystal sighed as she knew that people were more likely to be anti Gielinorian. She'd have to seek Wendy's advice on what to do in such a situation, but she doubted that the latter had ever gone to Gielinor. So that wasn't any good. She remembered reading that hate set in stone could never be removed. Hudzon came up and greeted her, "Hello Crystal, what's the matter with you old pal?"  
"I have to go on a diplomatic mission to a dimension that nearly everyone else hates. I have to go now."  
"Wait buddy, can I meet the other nine diplomats?"  
"You can, but I don't think you can go." Crystal replied. And at which, the two old friends went off to let Hudzon meet the other nine diplomats.

Meanwhile, Ice and Artemis were walking with Shadow Lion. Artemis asked Shadow, "Is your sister really going to Gielinor?"  
"Yep, but the crowds hate the idea."  
"Tell 'em Shadow, they're dumb for being alike as peas in their hate." Ice said.  
Shadow grinned, "They would be fighting about it anyway, and are too brick headed, big brother."  
Ice smiled, "I'm not related to Crystal through her family, I'm just her friend."  
"All the same, I feel they are greatly fooled by prejudice and all that. Kingdom of Loathing has the ugliest scenery for a dimension." Artemis said.  
Shadow grinned. Stick Lion would have to admit that. They arrived at a tall tree where Twilly was on sentinel and healing duty. Twilly squeaked in fright when he saw Shadow and straight away ran and hid behind Smbdoll. He squeaked, "Get me away from that mad lion with the straight eyebrows please please Smbdoll!"  
Smb replied, "Don't be afraid, not like lions can eat moglins anyway."  
Twilly then ran behind Crystal and squeaked, "I'm afraid of your little half sister! Please get me away from her!"  
Hudzon stared at Shadow, who immediately said, "Hi mister black teeth!"  
Cyrus laughed, "Does Hudzon ever brush his teeth, Crystal?"  
Shadow cheekily replied, "He never does!"  
The other diplomats continued laughing their heads off. Hudzon retorted, "Well, Shadow has black eyes and awful eyebrows!"  
"Don't say things like that about my half sister, Hudzon."  
"She started it!" he whined.

Smb took the lead again, "Now we must be off."  
Crystal tried to talk to Twilly but Smb pulled her cape and said, "Crystal! Don't stall! Come along!"  
"Oh alright Smb." Crystal turned around and padded after the other nine diplomats. The small group of people were shouting goodbyes to the diplomats. The ten diplomats held hands in a circle, raised their teleport stones and shouted, "To Gielinor!"

They disappeared. Twilly squeaked, "I wonder what Crystal meant to tell me..."


	5. They tried and pailed!

I still am not Andrew Gower nor Artix Krieger, am I? Oh, and writer's block is no fun at all. The title is a sentence I saw in KoL, the game with absolutely-crap-graphics but very well liked for its snappy humor. And RS has very good graphics for a Java based game. Hundreds of times better than crappy stick figures.

* * *

They tried and pailed! 

The ten diplomats saw blue watery light around them. It immediately disappeared to reveal a different place. Crystal smelt the air. It smelt of, Gielinorians! Skye smiled, "Yeah, we've all ended up in Gielinor aye?"  
Cyrus replied, "Aye. And those anti Gielinorians are fricking morons."  
"As do I."  
"I think we've all ended up in Lumbridge. Smb, could you help us to find out who the ambassdor is?" Cyrus asked Smb.  
She said, "Certainly." and pulled out a purply pink stone. When she noticed Crystal staring at it, she said, "Communication stone. Can be used in any dimension. I'm surprised you don't know that."  
"Admittedly, I use telepathy."  
Skye smirked, "When you spoke to Ice eh? But his telepathy is rather weak."  
"Grrrgngngngngn!" said Eagle.  
Xaethor was curious, "Why?"  
"Every damn dimension points their fingers at Gielinorians simply because of their close minded prejudice!"  
"Sentimenties to that, Eagle." Crystal replied.  
Skye answered, "As I was saying, they're dumbass xenophobic morons who can't take facts. Same goes for people who hate Lore, but then again, few dimensions are liked by all."  
Smb, who had put away her communication stone, said rather loudly, "The ambassador's name is Eric."  
"What last name?" Cyrus asked curiously.  
"No idea. Just Eric. He works for the great mage Gower though."

Crystal was jumping about fitfully, drawing a few stares from the newbies who had just arrived in Lumbridge. Smb added, "Crystal, don't be so fretful!"  
"Fretful yourself! If we don't find this Eric, we risk a catasthrope on Lore! All because the anti Gielinorians were snotty to Gielinor! All their fault, I say!" Crystal yelled. The newbies stared on in surprise. Lion Eagle groaned, "Please stop, the sooner we find Eric, the sooner we can stop the catasthrope Crystal means."  
Cyrus walked northwards. He shouted, "Come on guys. Let's go to Varrock first! It's the capital of Misthalin."

The ten diplomats travelled on the grey path that went into farmland. There were some people fighting cows and stealing the eggs from chicken coops. A small group of newbies were picking on a farmer. All of them gave a few wry comments on the diplomats, even saying that Lore was the worst dimension to live in. Crystal turned red about her ears. Skye whispered, "I don't blame them, most of the people from Lore are snotty to Gielinorians, maybe they want to pay us back."  
"Well, I hope they don't act snotty to the people of Lore, but knowing their misguided rivalry, they would." Xaethor answered.  
Lion Eagle was grumbling again. Skye asked Crystal, "What's the matter with her? Is she emo?"  
"Not the extreme sort, but she's cynical of her life." Crystal replied. Lion Eagle yelled, "Stupids! All the newbs can think of for names are from dumb animes! Kagome, Sakura, you name it! I'm glad I have a unique name. And all the anime girls that performed on the crystal ball I have back at home are skimpily dressed and only have boys on the brain!"  
"Bird brain?" Pat inquired.  
"You got it Pat." Eagle replied.  
"Uhhh, Sakura isn't exactly an anime name. It originally meant 'cherry blossom." Crystal interrupted while thinking of Megami, her old friend who was now a ruler of the Pink Land. Meg's last name was Sakura. She noticed the newbs were frowning at the group, so she roared loudly to show that the group meant buisness and mustn't be disturbed.

Cyrus was startled when he heard Crystal roaring loudly. The roar sounded like a male lion. He said, "Gee, beware, newbs, you have a lion loose in the streets." and added to the diplomats, "Beware of the noobs." as they stepped into the southern gate of Varrock...


	6. Is Varrock a dustbin?

Disclaimer:Am I Artix Krieger or Andrew Gower? Anyway Aay belongs to Mustard Gal.

A/N:The rubbish in the first few paragraphs is what all the noobs say.

* * *

Is Varrock a dustbin?

As the ten diplomats entered the southern gate of Varrock, they got a nasty shock! Several slutty people ran and surrounded the diplomats. The sluts shouted, "Be mi gf plz, let'z cyber lololol!"  
Cyrus shouted, "I feel sick!" when a fratboy with a paddle came after him, but the fratboy stopped since he didn't know how to frat paddle a dragon.  
Skye replied, "Yes, me too. Ahh! Help me, a fratboy's after meeeee!" and ran away.  
"R u lezbian?" a skank with blonde pigtails and blue eyes asked Crystal. The latter roared, "NO!" and gave the skank a huge slap. The skank got up and said, "Lolololol, you're a man in girls clothing awmagawd lol!"  
A boy asked Lion Eagle, "daet me plzz1!1111! i giv you gold ring."  
She replied, "Go away!"  
Two beggars ran up to Lance and pleaded, "Free stuf plz." Lance shouted, "I'm a poor man!"  
Patrick shouted, "Errrk, I rather kiss a lion. Somebody help!" when a few ladies dressed in skimpy cut shirts ran up to him and tried stroking his arms. Smb immediately changed her armor for a skimpy cut dress as well. She danced among the skanks and dealt hard slaps on their heads and butts. They ran off yelling, "W3 f41l3d 2 fauk the guyz and gurlz omgawdzors!"

Crystal asked, "Is Varrock a dustbin, with all those skanks, beggars and fratboys running about?"  
"I feel sick with all the butchered English floating about. Ooooh." Cyrus groaned and leant on Tomo.  
She replied, "We'd better disguise ourselves, and fast. Where's the clothes store, Smb? It's a long time since I've stepped into Gielinor. Oh, and Crystal, you sound exactly like a young man, with that harsh voice of yours. No wonder the skank thought you were a man in girl's clothes."  
Smb and Cyrus ran up to a shop which had 'Thessalia's Fine Clothes' on its sign. Pat asked Cyrus, "Huh? They sell suits for men ah?"  
Cyrus shook his head, "No Pat, there's only one person running this shop and she doesn't sell fancy suits. She sells normal clothes. The fancy shop is to the east."

Skye smirked at Crystal, "If Thessalia sold tuxedoes, you'd have to cut your hair short. I wonder how you'd look with short curly hair. Not nice to your Patrick, I presume."  
"Oh, be quiet. It's not my fault my voice sounds like a man. I had to kill the cinder lycan general with a potent silver spell. How was I supposed to know I'd get these ugly spots and a man's voice?" Crystal replied and looked at her hands, which were covered by jet black gauntlets with gray markings.  
Cyrus smiled at her, "You were brave before, surely you can be brave enough to face the great mage Gower?"  
"Cinder Lycans are nothing compared to the great mage, he seems very fierce. Didn't you hear the message?" She asked.  
"I did, but you shouldn't worry, all the diplomats, including you are pro Gielinorians. Those who simply hate its scenery are fucking morons." Cyrus replied.  
"But Crystal still has the silver spots on her face." Skye muttered.  
"Hey, they accent her cheekbones." Tomo interrupted. Crystal stared, she didn't know that.  
The diplomats immediately entered Thessalia's shop. A blonde lady with tanned skin was sitting at a table full of things needed to make clothes. She shouted in fright as Cyrus entered, "My goodness! A blue faced man with horns!"  
When Smb came in, Thessalia continued, "A blue faced woman too, has Gielinor suddenly gone blue today?" and stared at Crystal when she came in, "I thought curly hair is out of fashion. At least your face isn't blue."  
The other diplomats came in and heard Thessalia remark, "You've all got odd hairstyles! What can I do for you?"  
"We want to buy some Gielinorian clothes." Crystal said harshly.  
Thessalia grinned, "A boy that looks like a girl, funny." and pulled out some men's clothes for Crystal and the other male diplomats.

Crystal cried, "But I really am a girl!" when she felt an ice cold hand hold her shoulder. "Shh." said the owner of the blue hand. "If you pick up these guy's clothes, and wear a helmet on your face, I'm sure you could use it as a disguise. I'll get Smb to pick up an extra set of women's clothes, don't worry."  
Pat apparently was retching, "Eeeyuck, I don't like to see the lioness in men's clothes."  
"What did you expect, a swimsuit!?" Skye sneered quietly at him. Xaethor snorted in disgust, "It's disgusting to think about, Skye. You know she has a muscular sort of figure."  
"Hey, I was kidding about the swimsuit thing." Skye replied. But Crystal still had a disgusted look on her face. Fancy all the Gielinorians thinking she was a boy! And Skye mocking her too!  
"So, gentlemen, what else do you need?" Thessalia asked.  
Crystal sputtered, "Ah! I'm not a man, I'm a young woman! So stop thinking I am a gentleman, cause I'm not!"  
"I still say you're a gentleman with long hair, like a male lion!" Thessalia yelled back.  
Crystal slapped her forehead and shook her head so that all of her hair fluffed out. Lance grinned, "That's a shaggy mane!"  
"Only male lions have manes."  
"I'm a girl!" Crystal bawled at this point. Then she took off one of her gauntlets and threw it smack at Thessalia. "That'll teach you to keep saying I'm a man!" the former growled.

Thessalia held her head where the gauntlet had struck it, "Ooooh, Lore's armor packs a big hit."  
Cyrus frowned at Crystal, "I told you not to lose your temper."  
She replied, "Thessalia thinks I am a man but I am not!"

Later... after eight angry people shouted "Just change your clothes!"  
The ten diplomats came out, but Crystal was fuming since she had to wear a silly tuxedo. She hated being called a man, for she wasn't one. Her suit was black with a grey necktie. Xaethor snorted when he saw her with the suit on, mostly due to surprise. And he rolled his eyes. Lance tried to stop himself from laughing his head off but failed. Crystal grumbled, "Stupid Gielinorians that think I'm a man, if only I hadn't fought the cinder lycan general grumble rumble rumble"  
"If it makes you feel any better, you also have a pair of normal trousers with a shirt." Cyrus added. Even he had to chuckle at how silly she looked.  
"I still say the Gielinorians are stupid for not knowing I'm a woman."  
Lady Tomo replied, "Crystal, there are many men impersonating women in Gielinor, so people have to presume they are men until it's proven otherwise."  
"She can't prove it cause of her voice, poor thing." Skye grinned as he said this.  
Crystal shouted, "You guys are rubbing it in!" much to the surprise of a young blonde woman with tanned skin. She looked at Crystal in surprise, thinking, "Why does that man have long curly hair??" and screeched, "My goodness! You look like one of my friends!"

The ten diplomats looked at each other in surprise. "Who is she referring to?" asked Eagle. The blonde lady replied, "The man with long curly hair and black eyes!"  
"I'm she, not he!" shouted Crystal in a fine rage. Xaethor replied, "Alright alright, WE know you're a woman but the Gielinorians don't."  
"I'm Aayla, or Aay, if you like. And I said that black eyed man looks like my friend Silver."  
"Who's she?" Smb asked curiously.  
Aay replied, "She's a swordswoman who can see the future through her dreams. Why, she told me once that a person named Crystal Lion would marry a man named Patrick. And that dream was ten years ago."  
Crystal turned red with rage and embarrassment, "I'm the Crystal Lion Silver was talking about! Urrrrr!"  
"I'm-I'm sorry!" Aay shivered in a fright.  
Cyrus asked, "Why are there so many skanks and fratboys around now?"  
Aay replied, "It's mating season. At least, to the skanky lasses."

Just then, a pale woman with boyish hair and dark blue eyes came up. She was wearing a plain blue dress and a blue hat with a staff in her hand. When she saw Crystal, she bowed down saying, "Welcome to Gielinor, your Highness."  
Skye rolled his eyes and thought, "She's a nutcase. Even though it's true Crystal is a Lion and Queen of all beasties and that stuff."  
"This is Silver Lion, but why did she bow down to you like that?" Aay introduced Silver.  
Silver babbled, "Which one of you men is Patrick? And you're going to be a royal Majesty when you're married to the Queen of beasties and-" and Xaethor shook his head, because Silver was facing him. Skye snorted and shook with mirth. Xaethor glared at him and finally opened his mouth, "I'm not Guardian Patrick, he's standing beside Crystal Lion, for one thing. Second, he has brownish eyes, not black ones. Third, his English isn't very good. And I'm Xaethor the Slayer."

"I apologize, but you two look almost alike, like brothers." Silver said.  
"We're not brother either, we're friends." replied Pat.  
"And what kind of friendship would that be?" asked Aay.  
Lance chipped in, "Good friends, of course." and gave a huge grin. Skye scooted up to Aay and gazed at her. Her answer was, "I'm married"  
"Bah, they all say that." Skye grumbled.  
"Is he some kind of creep who hits on people?" Aay shouted in surprise.  
Skye howled, "I'm not a creep. I wish Nethara was still alive!"  
Crystal grabbed his cape and the whole group started to move along just as Aay added, "Beware the anti Lore people, whoever you are."  
Silver ran after the group, "I'm coming to show you the way to Ardougne."  
"Is that where Eric lives?" asked Wraithy, opening his mouth for the first time.  
"Yes, and it's the ambassador. The journey will take many days, my good fellows. You all look like you need a guide."  
"Come along then!" exclaimed Cyrus.

So they all moved on towards the huge west gate of Varrock. On the way, they passed a huge building with hundreds of people in it. "That's the west bank of Varrock. Merchants like to hang about there." Silver said to Crystal, who appeared to be the only diplomat who didn't know anything about Gielinor. "We'll reach the gates soon."  
As the ten diplomats reched the gates, Crystal noticed that some Gielinorians were fighting the guards. "Why do they fight guards?"  
"To raise their strength and fighting skills. Guards also have an artifact which only newcomers want." answered Silver.  
"It's cruel!" Pat interrupted.  
Silver looked at him intently, "My good lad, you don't know how things go in Gielinor. People fight each other, since there are so few monsters compared to Lore."  
Lance looked worried, "I sure hope nobody ambushes us on the way to Falador. Yeah, cause that would be damn uncool."

"Falador here we come!" Crystal shouted.

A/N:To be continued...


End file.
